Seismic shift

One of the biggest changes I’m feeling this week in is myself. I used to let myself be tired and crabby just about anytime I wanted because … well, I deserved to be tired and crabby! I was taking care of a lot of people and not getting a whole lot of thanks for it. But this class has given me new information and new awareness: time is ticking; I am responsible to my girls, not for them; and the attitude I embrace each day, each minute even, matters. It matters a lot. I don’t get to just act put-upon anytime I want. It’s not ok anymore to do that. I want my girls to feel wanted, to feel valued. So I’m starting by consciously behaving as though I want them here. No matter how crabby or tired I might think I deserve to be. I need to dig down and remember that I do want them here. They’re amazing and wonderful and not here with me for all that long. And I need to—I’m going to—make sure they know that every day.

That doesn’t mean I’ll act happy all the time now. Mostly I’ve noticed that it means I shake it off faster. I say to myself, yeah, there’s that crabbiness. I’ll let myself feel it for a few minutes, and then it’s time to move on. And instead of looking forward to my next moment of peace–of escape from the relentless, thankless job of motherhood—now I shake it off and I tell myself it’s time to scan for the next opportunity to connect, or encourage, or invite, or observe. Because now I know how much it matters that I do that. It matters a lot.

Explore posts in the same categories: Week 6: The Crucial C's

One Comment on “Seismic shift”

  1. Vicki Says:

    What a fabulous post to read as I enter into my weekend with 4 teenagers back in the house, 2 going to prom, Cindy Pierce and her family on their way to spend the weekend.

    Breath. Relax. Enjoy. Awareness that I am at choice. What choice will I make in this moment? This is all there ever is.

    Big Love to you all

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