The beauty of saying nothing

I have to say, this whole keeping my mouth shut thing is still a challenge, but it gets easier everyday. Yesterday morning we were all getting in the car to go. “I can’t find my shoes!” said Charlotte, “Oh well, I’ll just wear my crocks.” The voice in my head spoke loudly: does she have gym today? But my mouth stayed quiet, and two seconds later Fenner said, “Charlotte, do you have gym today?” “Yes,” she said with a worried look on her face. “Well, you don’t want to wear crocks then.” And then, to my amazement, Fenner put her impatience about getting to school early aside and got out of the car to help Charlotte find her shoes. It’s just so simple! By keeping my mouth shut, I not only avoided the thankless job of shoe-finder / gym-day reminderer, but also made space for Fenner to be able to choose to help her sister. And all I had to do was nothing.

By the way, it was also pouring down rain and as I backed out of the garage I glanced at Charlotte. No coat, no umbrella, no comment. It was so hard not to say anything! And yet, she was fine. As we approached the school she mumbled, “Oh, I didn’t bring anything for the rain.” Then she asked if I could pull up closer to the front, hopped out, and ran as fast as she could to get inside. The downside: she got a little wet. The upside: she gained experience for making choices about rain gear; she kept her independence and personal power; and we avoided any chance of the morning (and our relationship) getting soured by a fight over umbrellas and raincoats.

It’s just so simple.

Explore posts in the same categories: Week 10: The Rabbit Hole

2 Comments on “The beauty of saying nothing”

  1. Emma Says:

    Hi Flockmother,
    I was pointed to your blog by Vicki’s newsletter and I am an avid reader. I have not yet bought the Parenting on Track program (and no classes here in GA) but I LOVE her approach, and I love reading about your families experience. It inspires me and motivates me and keeps things in perspective! I too have been learning the glory (and the hardship) of saying nothing.
    Keep it up, keep blogging.

    • flockmother Says:

      Hi Emma,
      great to hear from you! So glad my posts are helpful. Comments like yours keep me going!

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