Yesterday was the first snow of the season and I calmly watched both Ellen and Charlotte hop out of the car at school with no boots, no snow pants, and–as far as I could tell–no hat or mittens either.

Huh. I thought to myself. I wonder what recess will be like today?

I learned a bit about that after school from Ellen: “Mom, I forgot my boots so I had to just get a ball and stay on the blacktop but Ellie was nice enough to play with me.” No upset there, just her telling me about her day.

Charlotte never said a word about it but when she got in the car this morning she had her boots on and her shoes in her hand and her snow pants stuffed in her backback. I didn’t see any hat or mittens, but I can trust that she’ll figure that out too.

No hassle, no nagging, no guilt. This approach continues to amaze me–all because my thinking is now clear that it’s good for kids to make mistakes and figure things out on their own. Of course that makes sense, but for some reason I didn’t have the confidence to put that truth into practice before the program.

Why not? I’m not sure exactly. I had many different voices in my head saying many different things and it affected my whole attitude. Now, instead of blaming myself and resenting their mistakes, I see mistakes as a crucial part of their education. Yes, it’s still hard to watch them cry and struggle, but … bring it on! There’s a whole lot more to come.

It’s like that song “You Learn” by Alanis Morissette. Great song:

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room

Swallow it down, what a jagged little pill
It feels so good, swimming in your stomach
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free! …

Yes, feel free.

ps The thing is, it’s not only about building my kids’ independence. It’s about taking care of the relationship. No hassle and no nagging and they learn on their own and it’s so much nicer for me and for them and for us. Us. So there can be an “us” and continue to be an “us” and when I’m 80 years old I can visit my kids and look forward to it and have a wonderful time together.

With the holidays looming, stories of difficult relationships abound. A dear friend of mine just told me today about visiting her grown son at Thanksgiving: “Every time I go there I feel like an outsider. I just sit in my corner and knit.” She tried to shrug it off but I could see the pain and sadness in her eyes.

I’m workin’ it to stay the bleep away from that corner.

Hey, I just thought of a new bumper sticker: “It’s the relationship, stupid.”

Seriously, though, it is …

Explore posts in the same categories: Weeks following: Miscellaneous

2 Comments on “Snow”

  1. Vicki Says:

    seriously though…. love that. great post. made me smile and smile and smile some more. screw the corner and the knitting.

  2. Kristin Says:

    Here here on the corner and knitting. That is my biggest motivator in working this program…I want to make sure my kids WANT me to be a part of their life right up until the end of mine.

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