I was just looking through my notes from that weekend with Vicki and I want to share all the little nuggets with you (in no particular order). Enjoy:

  • The child you least want to hug is the one who needs it most.
  • Not choosing is a choice.
  • Let go of: “What will people think of me if my child behaves like that?”
  • Kids who feel loved, connected, and capable want their siblings to feel that way too.
  • Be the change you want to see without needing an immediate result from others.
  • When you feel stuck, ask questions. Be curious.
  • Show your kids they’re loved beyond their mischief.
  • Misbehavior is what they do, not who they are.
  • What you focus on, you get more of.
  • Encourage your kids to fail and show that you love them anyway.
  • Ask yourself, “Who do I show up as when things go wrong and I feel bad?”
  • Be present.
  • Don’t try to have all the answers.
  • Ask your kids, “When do you feel most connected to me?” And then do more of that.
  • Stop repeating what you need to do, and start saying what you want.
  • Notice what words your kids use and use those same words with them.
  • Ask yourself, “When my kids are 35, what do I want them to say about me?”
  • Listen to your kids as though you don’t know anything about them.
  • If you don’t want to do it for the rest of your life, don’t do it once.
  • Thinking children say “no.”
Explore posts in the same categories: Weeks following: Miscellaneous

8 Comments on “Nuggets”

  1. Lori S. Says:

    I love these tidbits, they are great reminders! I think I need to tattoo that first one on my arm 🙂

    I’m curious about this one: “Not choosing is a choice.”
    Can you elaborate on what it means?

    • flockmother Says:

      Sure – great question. It means that anytime we give our kids choices, there’s always a third, usually unspoken option of choosing nothing. In other words, when you say to your child, “You may do/have X or Y” and they stare at you and say nothing (usually with a big frown), they’re making the choice not to choose. Vicki’s point is that this is a completely valid option that deserves a respectful response from the parent such as, “I see you’ve decided not to choose. What would you like the choices to be?”

      • Lori S. Says:

        Thanks for the explanation. My oldest son does a lot of stonewalling in the way you describe. This gives me some idea how to respond to it!

  2. Debolino Says:

    •Ask yourself, “Who do I show up as when things go wrong and I feel bad?” – this is the one that gets me, hard. Living my values even when things are intense – treating my family with respect and love even when I don’t feel it – the challenges and the goals.

  3. jennifer blackwell Says:

    great post. i love these nuggets. one that has stuck for me this week is “you can’t do for your children, what you can’t do for yourself.” another one “a misbehaved child is a discouraged child.” thanks for putting these out there. jennifer

  4. Vicki Says:


    Have I told you lately how amazing you are? No? Well damn girl, you are amazing. Just love those 3 girls. Eagles and turtles indeed. How utterly brilliant.

    Thanks for the nuggets. I forget what I say the minute it leaves my mouth. These will make Jen oh so happy. V

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